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Written by Tara Embrey, OT Reg. (Ont.) & Melissa Beacom, OT Reg. (Ont.) , partners at Mint Occupational Therapy

When preparing students for post-secondary, the emphasis is often on organization and independence. While these skills are helpful, in our experience, they are less effective if students have not developed emotional learning skills to manage procrastination, sustain motivation, bounce back from mistakes, separate self-worth from performance, and proactively seek help. These skills are good for all students but can be an absolute game-changer for students managing mental health concerns, learning disabilities and/or ADHD.

We are occupational therapists who have been supporting post-secondary students with accommodations and skills-building for a combined 30 years as accessibility advisors at the University of Guelph. Over time, we noticed a trend – students were struggling with maintaining their mental health and motivation and they were feeling increasingly isolated. Through collaborative funding from a university grant and from within our department, we were seconded to launch and research an academic resilience program. We wanted students to find community, understand more about their motivation, and learn to make space for the difficult thoughts and feelings that come when learning. The program led to statistically significant improvements in school avoidance, perfectionism, self-compassion, academic resilience factors, connection with peers and stress management. Upon completion of the program, many students highlighted improved mental health and ability to attend lectures, write tests and exams, and get started on assignments earlier or with more ease. Many students told us that they wished they had learned these skills earlier in their academic journey.

In our new role supporting students in the community, we've been applying these skills at a high school level to set students up for success at post-secondary. In this article, we are going to explore some of the emotional learning skills that we teach and offer ideas for fostering these skills for students with LDs, mental health concerns, ADHD, and anyone wanting to be emotionally prepared for the next stage in learning.

Separating self-worth from performance 

Children and youth have been praised for their performance throughout their lives, giving the message that they are what they produce. When performance at school becomes tightly connected with self-worth, it leads to fear of mistakes and failure. The focus of learning becomes proving oneself, rather than building knowledge. This fusion with performance might show up as obsession with grades, overworking, fear of taking risks and exploring new content areas, or avoidance of hard tasks. It is scary to start an assignment when your self-worth is wrapped up in the outcome. It’s also harder to enjoy the learning process when you’re so scared of failing. It drains energy and kills momentum.

When students transition to post-secondary having derived their self-worth from being top of class, it is scary when school gets hard, or grades decline. On the other hand, when you have struggled with school as an early learner, there can be extra pressure to disprove past labels such as slow, lazy, wasting potential, and stupid*. Students can get fused with the idea of a smart or not smart dichotomy and it puts tremendous pressure on them to perform. We’ve seen firsthand the transformation that can occur when students tap into their love of learning instead of hustling to prove their worth, creating new excitement and joy for the process.

*words our students have shared with us when describing labels they were given by others or gave themselves as kids

Some ideas to help students separate their self-worth from their performance:

  • Send repeated and explicit messages that students are worthy regardless of what they do and do not produce academically. Their worth is inherent, not conditional. Make the goal about their own growth and development, not proving themselves to others.
  • Encourage students to tune into the process of learning and reward effort over outcome. Once students complete an exam or assignment, make that the beginning of the learning process, not the end. Brene Brown (2016) suggests asking questions like: What did you learn about yourself in the process of completing this test/work? What would you do differently? What would you do the same?
  • Make explicit that the purpose of an assignment isn’t about proving you are smart, it is about engaging and bringing your argument further and learning how to do new things.
  • Incorporate ways to make it safer to fail and reward failure as an essential part of learning - allow re-submission, focus on process, get excited when they make new discoveries and change their minds.
  • Talk frequently about how uncomfortable learning can be. Validate that it is scary to make mistakes, the grading system can reward getting it right the first time and so it is natural to feel scared and focused on grades.
  • Explore what values students would like to guide their learning and return to it whenever completing a hard task - what values do I want to guide me right now ex. curiosity, growth, perseverance?Click here to view a values exercise called A Quick Look at Your Values by Russ Harris for Act Mindfully Australia.
  • Consider sharing your own experiences of failure and fear through different stages of your learning journey.
  • When students are stuck in the belief that their performance defines them, a therapist can be really helpful in exploring other (less exhausting) ways of engaging with learning.

Tackling avoidance

To avoid is to be human. We are wired to turn away from tasks, thoughts and feelings that bring discomfort and pain (Frank, 2022). Our modern world is filled with infinite ways to avoid discomfort. Feeling anxious about striking up a conversation in this awkward social situation? There’s an app for that! Sitting down to start an intimidating paper and feeling overwhelmed? Swipe through social media instead. None of us enjoy struggle, or seeing it in our kids. It is so human to want to take away/avoid that struggle for ourselves, and those we care about. This approach often helps in the short-term but is harming us in the long term. Our comfort with discomfort goes down. We lose the skills to make space for difficult thoughts and feelings, which leads us to avoid difficult tasks. For students with ADHD and/or LDs, who have a history of academic struggle, schoolwork can be ever more daunting and emotionally fraught. We shared tools from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a branch of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), that teaches students how to make room for difficult emotions instead of avoiding them, which helps them face scary tasks and decrease procrastination (Wang et. al, 2017).

Tips for helping students tackle avoidance:

  • Before starting a test or after explaining a big assignment, check-in. Ask the class to pause and notice what thoughts and feelings come. No need to remedy the feeling, it can be there and we can recognize it and still proceed. Rather than having students share, which could be too vulnerable, give examples of common thoughts and feelings that might pop up before a new assignment (I’m not sure I understand, I might get this wrong and everyone else knows what they are doing). You can also start by sharing that in previous classes, you’ve heard students express that this assignment is scary. Acknowledging these emotional responses to learning can normalize the experience.
  • Make it part of the assignment to do a one-minute check-in, noticing the pull to avoid. When students notice what is behind the urge to avoid, they can make an intentional decision about the next steps. Doing this regularly in your classroom can habitualize this skill for later use.
  • Ask students what is hard about starting this assignment. Then you can better understand what is scary/aversive and can address it head-on. If you get ‘I don’t know’, try sharing your own experience of being intimidated by an assignment or some of the difficult thoughts and feelings you manage when completing difficult tasks.
  • When noticing total overwhelm, think of ways to make it smaller – chunk the assignment into smaller deadlines, provide examples, and make it safe to get it wrong by having a draft submission. Emphasize exploration rather than product.

Seeking help proactively

In our experience, the ability to seek help is a protective factor in post-secondary.  We often see a reluctance or delay in first-year students with disabilities setting up accommodations. There can be a variety of reasons for this delay. Sometimes, students want a fresh start and an identity beyond their disability. For some students, the delay is caused by the heavy executive functioning demands of navigating the accommodation process. It is a self-directed, multi-step process that can get stalled in many stages and there’s often no one checking in along the way. In truth, there are a lot of people in post-secondary who want to help if a student can reach out.

Tips to foster help-seeking at post-secondary:

  • Highlight that there is no one right way to do post-secondary and that can mean reducing course load, changing programs, moving from university to college or vice versa, or taking a year off before or in the middle of a program. We’ve seen all these different scenarios leading to positive outcomes. Strict adherence to following a cookie-cutter path can lead to shame and unnecessary struggle. Students can explore courseload options with a program counsellor or accessibility advisor.
  • Colleges and universities have supports for writing and study skills that are used by first year students through to PhD students.  Normalize accessing learning support as professional development rather than as remedial support.
  • Encourage early registration with accessibility services and counselling, normalizing support as a tool for success that many students access. Accommodations at post-secondary take time to set up. IEPs are often not valid documentation, and each institution will have their documentation requirements posted on their accessibility services website.

Self-compassion as a motivator

Finding a sustainable rhythm is tricky and is part of the first-year experience. For many students, this requires some trial and error and some failure along the way. How students treat themselves through the inevitable setbacks can determine whether they learn from their mistakes or become paralyzed in shame and fear. Self-compassion has been shown to support motivation (Kotera, et. al, 2023), engagement and perseverance (Babenko et. al, 2018), buffer against academic stress (Zhang et. al, 2016), improve coping with failure and setbacks, and bolster mental health (Trompetter et al., 2017). Given this strong benefit to academic functioning and wellness, self-compassion is an essential skill to foster in students.

In our work with students, we’ve come across many misconceptions about self-compassion. It is often confused with self-care and indulgence. Students sometimes say “I have too much self-compassion. I’m always giving myself a day off.” In reality, that day off is often not a compassionate act, it is an act of avoidance, rooted in fear. Kristen Neff, a lead researcher in the field of self-compassion, highlights the two sides of self-compassion (this video sums it up beautifully). Self-compassion has a tender side—giving oneself love in the face of suffering—and a fierce side—taking action to alleviate suffering. We reframe for students that sometimes the most compassionate act is to complete some work now as a gift to your future self. Another point of resistance for students is the feeling that they don’t deserve self-compassion or if they stop beating themselves up, they’ll never get any work done. We reframe for students that we are all worthy of receiving care in the face of suffering. It is not about deserving it. Ironically, meeting the self with kindness has been shown to help us with productivity and intrinsic motivation (Breines & Chen, 2012).

When managing a learning disability, sometimes students feel like it takes them so much longer than their peers to get the same result. This frustration can commonly lead to students beating themselves up, which can zap motivation. When met with self-compassion, a student is better able to accept their unique brain and take action to support their learning, like reducing their course load.

Tips to foster student self-compassion:

Conclusion

Building skills to manage the emotional demands of learning can help students with LDs/ADHD (and all students) navigate the inevitable ups and downs of the transition to post-secondary. These skills help students get unstuck, take care of themselves, sustain motivation, and spark a joy for learning.

To learn more about the Learning to Bounce program at University of Guelph, click here to read their 2022/23 Year End Report.

About the Authors:

Tara Embrey is a neurodivergent occupational therapist and psychotherapist with a wealth of experience in mental health and ADHD support. As an accessibility advisor at the University of Guelph, she saw students struggling with perfectionism, procrastination, and shame. As part of this role, she co-created Learning to Bounce, a transformative group therapy program based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Now working in the community through her company, Mint OT, Tara supports youths and adults in their academic, professional, and parenting journeys. Her practice is characterized by compassion, enthusiasm, and a deep belief in the inherent worth of every person.

Melissa Beacom is an occupational therapist who practices psychotherapy with more than 20 years of experience as an accessibility advisor at the University of Guelph with a specialty in mental health. Melissa uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and her occupational therapy lens to provide practical tools to help learners tackle perfectionism, avoidance and improve motivation. In 2022, in her role at the University of Gulph, Melissa co-created Learning to Bounce, an evidence-based program that helps students explore and manage the hidden emotional demands of learning to help them flourish as learners. Melissa now supports clients in the community through her company, Mint OT.

References

Babenko, O., Mosewich, A., Abraham, J., & Lai, H. (2018). Contributions of psychological needs, self-compassion, leisure-time exercise, and achievement goals to academic engagement and exhaustion in Canadian medical students. Journal of Educational Evaluation for Health Professions, 15, 2–2. https://doi.org/10.3352/jeehp.2018.15.2

Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133-1143. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167212445599

Brown, B. (2016). Brene Brown Encourages Educators to Normalize the Discomfort of Learning and Reframe Failure as Learning. About Campus, 20(6), 3-7.

Frank, B. (2022). The Science of Stuck: breaking through inertia to find your path forward. The Next Big Idea Magazine. https://nextbigideaclub.com/magazine/science-stuck-breaking-inertiafind-path-forward-bookbite/33443/  

Kotera, Y., Taylor, E., Fido, D., Williams, D., & Tsuda-McCaie, F. (2023). Motivation of UK graduate students in education: self-compassion moderates pathway from extrinsic motivation to intrinsic motivation. Current Psychology (New Brunswick, N.J.), 42(12), 10163–10176. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-021-02301-6 

Trompetter, H.R., de Kleine, E. & Bohlmeijer, E.T. Why Does Positive Mental Health Buffer Against Psychopathology? An Exploratory Study on Self-Compassion as a Resilience Mechanism and Adaptive Emotion Regulation Strategy. Cogn Ther Res 41, 459 -468 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-016-9774-0  

Wang, S., Zhou, Y., Yu, S., Ran, L.-W., Liu, X.-P., & Chen, Y.-F. (2017). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Cognitive–Behavioral Therapy as Treatments for Academic Procrastination: A Randomized Controlled Group Session. Research on Social Work Practice, 27(1), 48–58. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049731515577890  

Zhang, Y., Luo, X., Che, X., & Duan, W. (2016). Protective Effect of Self-Compassion to Emotional Response among Students with Chronic Academic Stress. Frontiers in Psychology, 7, 1802–1802. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01802